This was important for me because I was once again alone and had to make a decision to crash and burn or ask for help. I was in the process of crashing and burning until it hit me to do something different. This is when my recovery work actually began and did not stop. Remember that immediately upon my return from treatment I started working a program and stopped as soon as I was feeling stronger. Then I crashed and burned but did not get high or kill myself. My version of crashing and burning this time was with a shotgun in my mouth and my wife screaming at me to pull the f_____g trigger. I looked up at her, took the gun out of my mouth and left the house. I never listened to her before so why should I listen this time. Somewhere inside me there was a will to live and asking for help was the best thing I could do for myself.