When I have to justify my partners actions to myself and others because they were hurtful and intentional; I am miserable and will not recover till I am free. From my personal experiences most abused women I have met, have trouble with this part. They may get so used to justifying that it is harder to break that habit. No matter how hurtful it is to them. There is always the part of the battered women that had a glimpse of the good part of the guy. Ever since that glimpse she has been trying to get that good part to surface again and longer. She knows he is really a good guy who just needs some special care only she can give.
On some level the hurt woman is right because he is a good person generally. What she is missing is that he will not change until something drastic happens and he asks for help, ends up in prison or dies. The battered woman is not responsible for his life or death after she leaves to save her own life. She may want to claim responsibility and it can be difficult to convince her otherwise but she needs to be aware he is responsible for himself.
My face book was hacked and one of my “FB friends” was hacked. The friend had died and they got into his account to message me that there was gov’t money to be had. Margie Warwick wanted Apple gift cards totally $1000 and she would send $300,000 to my front door. I googled my friend and read his obituary. Do not give anyone money or gift cards or anything up front.