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CHOICE OF COLD OR WARM

Through several sessions he had me convinced he was not traumatized as I had seen in every other combat veteran interviewed. You see it is possible to not become traumatized. The question is that is it worth the consequences of not being able to feel love? I believe we have the ability to heal from trauma enough to be able to love again, as I am doing. I would personally rather be hurt and be able to heal than to never be hurt at all and not feel love for another person.

There was a time I was like that when my conscience was nonexistent. When I got clean I was angry and was told the anger was covering up my other emotions. That made sense to me and I just stayed angry as I was working on controlling my environment and all of those around me.

It was about 6 months after my wife kicked me out, after I got clean, that I realized I was hurt and not angry. I went on a journey to find my emotions and began watching chick flicks and Hallmark movies endlessly. It helped and through working my program, doing a lot of writing and talking to others that I began to feel more, emotionally. Now I cry at movies sad parts, at commercials with meaningful parts and am addicted to Hallmark movies. I got my conscience back and have the ability to feel love to some degree. I’ve seen some that say they are head over heels in love and that is not me. I do feel a connection and a dedication to a person and a relationship that I can value today. I got to tell you it is way better than the other way and I am tearing up writing about it now. UGH!

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